How to ‘Cook’ a Box-Office Hit!

Ninety percent (or more) of movies fail to taste success at the box-office. Still, Salman Khan’s recent superhits Wanted, Dabanng and Ready have proven that it is easy to ‘cook’ a box-office hit. Don’t believe? Have a look at the following recipe for a box-office hit: –

  • Salman Khan: The first and foremost thing is to get Salman Khan on board as the lead actor. Do this and half of your battle is won! If you have him, it really doesn’t matter who is directing the film. In fact, it’ also fine even if there is no director!
  • Salman’s Heroics: Add large number of scenes that will produce seetis from the audience. For instance, fight scenes where Salman should emerge victorious and make popat of the gundaas, scenes where Salman should successfully woo the ‘heroine’, a dance number preferably as Salman’s entry scene, plenty of dialogues that add fuel to the heroic image of Salman, all ‘good’ people admiring Salman in the end, etc.
  • Good Looking ‘Heroine’: A good looking heroine who should be ready to match steps with Salman during song and dance breaks. I am using the word heroine instead of actress since her acting skills would be seldom used in such a film.
  • Songs: After regular intervals, there should be a song. Few dance tracks and a romantic number should do. An overhyped item number is an added advantage.
  • Supporting Cast: You need a big gang of supporting actors who continuously need to appreciate Salman’s heroics or be at the receiving end of them. Most of them should also be ‘ready’ to get insulted or fooled by Sallu.
  • Script: I don’t mean a watertight script or a powerful script. The most important thing is to throw all kinds of logic out of the window. Oh, you need to delete the word logic from your dictionary temporarily. Get a mixture of comedy, romantic, action and mildly emotional scenes, without thinking much about continuity or reason since Salman would be the centre of attraction in all of them. Playing of the theme tune of the movie in the background which compliments Salman’s heroics is also a must to trigger seetis.
  • Marketing Strategy: It really doesn’t matter if the makers haven’t worked hard while making the film but it is absolutely vital for them to pull up their socks while publicizing the movie. TV, radio, internet, TV serials, TV reality shows, banners, contests and what not should only speak about your movie. The name of the movie or its actors should ‘hit’ the public wherever they go or whatever they listen or read.

Throw these ingredients in the frying pan and voila, you get a box-office hit which would generate plenty and plenty of moolah for the makers. So, isn’t it easy to ‘cook’ a box-office hit? Of course it is when you have Sallu at your side. But wait a minute! What about appreciation? Oh come on! Who the hell cares about that when you have money flowing into your account especially in the first two weeks?

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13 responses to this post.

  1. lol. A good tongue in cheek article. Nicely phrased. Directing is good. The writer is good. Script is superb. It is sure to rake in the moolahs.

    Its an article that every movie goer should read just for laughs. Four and a half on five.

    Reply

  2. You should do more such tongue in cheek articles.

    Reply

  3. Posted by natasha on June 12, 2011 at 7:39 am

    nice and hatke review

    Reply

  4. Posted by ankita on June 12, 2011 at 7:55 am

    mast likha hain…really wat all u hav wirtten is so so true……

    Reply

  5. Posted by Dixit Mehta on June 15, 2011 at 4:57 am

    very true!!!

    Reply

  6. […] I said in one of my previous posts here, it has become an easy recipe to cook a box-office hit. Just sign a big star like Salman, make an […]

    Reply

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